When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
