Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
