worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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