I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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