I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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