***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my mouth tastes like poor choices
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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