i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
