Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
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You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
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First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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