can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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