i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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