Redeem this text for a blowjob
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
