I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
