Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
