Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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