i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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