Kiss
Puke
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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