Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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