Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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