Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
