I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
