He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
