Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
