I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
