Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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