I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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