we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
