would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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