just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
