It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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