Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
