I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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