Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
