Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
