Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
