I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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