I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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