Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
is wine microwaveable?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
