Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
