she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
