i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
