i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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