Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
