Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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