Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
