I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do you still have your period?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
