You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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