I accidentally had phone sex last night
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize