This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
