I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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