i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Drunk is not a location!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
