if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
