How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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