did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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