she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You pole danced in your parka.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
