I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
