We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
