He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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