just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
