The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
