wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize