Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
