Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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