her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
